Why am i turning into a crazy girlfriend
You go through his phone without permission. You used to casually glance at the screen when it lit up, just to see which name flashed across it. You keep starting pointless arguments. Maybe you need attention. Your mind jumps to the worst case scenarios.
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Often people including ourselves are quick to judge these people. We write them off as emotional wrecks. We label them.
We shame them. Sometimes crazy behavior is a symptom of trauma and pain. A lot of times crazy behavior hides deeper issues. From the moment we are born we start to develop a sense of self and belonging.
We start to develop an idea of whom we are, how others feel about us, and where we fit in the world. These wounds need to be worked through; otherwise, they continue to manifest over and over again with every new relationship. For as long as I can remember I have felt pain and fear of being alone. I have always had long and fulfilling friendships with both women and men, but for as long as I can remember I have a hard time with romantic relationships.
I absolutely love men. I am Brisa. I think I love you. Please complete me and fulfill every part of my life that is in need of fulfillment. Allow me to focus obsessively on your life to subconsciously avoid fixing all that is wrong with mine.
And when they left, my crazy behavior kicked in full force. I would chase and beg and humiliate myself in every city and every country we would be in. The thought of being alone again, abandoned by yet another male, would consume every rational thought in my brain, and before I knew it only the irrational ones were left. Show up half naked and with flowers. Show up uninvited and beg him to take you back!
If you can think of any crazy behavior, I have probably done it. And I have probably done it more than once. I threw away my dignity and destroyed my reputation.
All fueled by fear and pain, and in the name of love. It felt as if I was trapped inside my own body and had no control over my actions. I could see what I was doing. I could even despise my actions. The pain and fear of being alone was so intense that it would overpower my desire to overcome my destructive patterns. Many of us choose partners that will play the specific role we want them to play so that we can continue to relive our past with the hope of having a different outcome, thereby healing our old wounds.
Some of us just choose to continue to act in the same ways because we know that if we were in a healthy relationship and in drama-free life, we would have no other option but to spend our time actually dealing with our pain and wounds. It took years, countless tears, and major loss for me to realize there was something in me that needed to change. It took to years to accept my wounds and my need to look deeper into myself. And most importantly, I was tired of playing victim.
I knew I could no longer let the ghost of my father ruin my future relationships. When we spend years thinking of ourselves as victims of a sad childhood, bad people, and bad luck, it becomes part of our identity. I had to learn to take responsibilities for my actions and had to learn to rewire my brain into accepting my role in every circumstance of my life.
Maybe some of the people we date are self-absorbed narcissists not worthy of our love, but that does not make them responsible for the way we act and the way we choose to live our lives.
They are not responsible for our crazy behavior. At some point we have to accept our past, our less than perfect childhoods, and we need to seek help so we can heal the wounds that haunt our adult lives. And writing helped me organize my thoughts and all the erratic emotions that consumed my daily life.
I was never taught how to be alone. The thought of having to sit with myself and work on what was really hurting me was terrifying. But once I took that first step toward healing, the journey became addicting. As I learned to control my impulses and erratic behavior, I felt my inner strength for the first time. I could literally feel my muscles getting stronger each time I overpowered my urge to text, to call, or to get involved with other unhealthy men just to fill the void, and to continue the emotional roller coaster I was so used to riding.
Coming to terms with our shortcomings and flaws is brutal. The disruptive storm I created for myself throughout the years ultimately propelled me out of the dark and crazy hole of fear, and into the sane, consciously aware world of self-acceptance and self-love. Fighting couple image via Shutterstock.
Brisa Pinho is a project manager, aspiring writer, and single mother of a baby boy. She lives in Los Angeles and when she is not changing diapers and putting out temper tantrums, she is drinking wine and over-analyzing her life. She can be found at www. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. The content on Tiny Buddha is designed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment.
Wounded people keep creating drama to keep avoiding themselves. I could no longer live with the reality I had carelessly but repetitively crafted for myself. For me, that help came through friendships, meditation, and writing. Waking up is hard. It requires us to look deep into ourselves and confront our darkness. And I am glad I did. About Brisa Pinho Brisa Pinho is a project manager, aspiring writer, and single mother of a baby boy.
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